It’s Good To Be The King

I’m in Atlanta.  In my hotel room.  Bored and just sort of vegging out with the TV and the Internet.  I just ordered a pizza from Papa John’s since I am in an area of town I don’t know well and I don’t feel like eating another burger from a fast food place or go eat at sit-down place by myself.  I won’t eat it all, but I have a fridge and microwave in the room so maybe it will be tomorrow night’s dinner as well. 

The drive down was uneventful, but busier than I have seen it in a long time.  I hate driving on the Interstate.  And it is all because of 18-wheel trucks.  What should be enjoyable driving on decent four-lane wide open roads is always painful because of too many overweight and poorly maintained trucks.

I hate truckers.

Oh yes, I know some of you might be truckers.  Or you might be married to a trucker.  Or a trucker is your dad or brother or sister or cousin, but none of that changes the fact that I hate them.  They may be great dads, brothers, husbands, wives, cousins, and so on, but as truckers they suck.

They make driving worse than visiting the dentist.

For gum surgery.

And yeah, I know they keep America moving and supplied with disposable diapers, Wonder Bras, and plastic sporks, but frankly I don’t give a rat’s tush.

I say bring back the railroads.  Build new ones. Improve the old ones.  And hire all those out of work long-haul truckers as brakemen or conductors or file clerks.  Anything but truckers.

And you aren’t going to change my mind about it either.  I don’t care if they keep America in canned goods.  I don’t care if they are good people outside of those trucks.

THEY MAKE MY DAMN DRIVE MISERABLE BECAUSE THEY:

–  Drive too fast when they should be going slower.  What maniac drives an 18-wheel truck 85 miles per hour in the pouring rain? 

– They drive too slow when they don’t need to.  And always . . . always . . . in the left lane.  Up a fricken hill.  While passing another truck that is going 1/2 mile an hour slower than they are so it takes several miles for them to do so. 

–  When you are passing them on the left side they suddenly veer out in the left lane to pass someone in front of them and force you to slam on your brakes.  Then they take ten minutes to pass that person while you sit in the coffee that splashed all over you and your seat.

– The drive in the left lane for miles and miles trying to “pass” someone in the right lane, when in fact they aren’t even near them.  So cars sit behind them thinking they can’t pass because there must be a long line of traffic when, in fact, there is nothing but this one moronic trucker blocking the lane and giggling at the little joke he is playing.

–  Their crappy used tires litter the road and cause all sorts of dangerous swerving and damage to cars.

Anyway, that is why I hate them.  And if you ask me how much I hate them I will say, “With the intensity of the sun” or something like that.

Just ask loving wife.  She knows.  She rides with me sometimes. 

Now don’t try to change my mind.  Don’t comment and give me all the reasons they are good people and why we need them.

I don’t care.

If I were King they would be gone. 

Oh, and all women would have big hooters and wear low-cut tops and I would get to squeeze and kiss them like Mel Brooks in The History of the World Part 1.

Because I hear that it’s good to be the King.

A Pre-Travel Post

I’m traveling to Atlanta today, but should be there early enough to sit back in my hotel room and blog a bit. Anyway, to hold you over here are some things that caught my eye:

1)  I am a bit annoyed at Fred for dropping-out after running a half-ass campaign.  I still like him, but damn if he wasn’t like some hot gal on a date who teases you to death and then says goodnight with only a kiss on the cheek.  And after I bought him dinner, too.  Sigh.  Eh, maybe he will take a VP slot?  

2)  I am enjoying the spectacle of the Dems tearing each other apart.  The Clintons will do anything to get Hillary elected – anything – and it will be fun to see if Obama can stand up to them.

3)  It’s too bad about Heath Ledger.  I liked him in A Knight’s Tale.  He was a pretty good actor and seemed sane enough by Hollywood standards.  I don’t like that they keep referring to him as that “Brokeback” actor though since he did other good work. I guess that is just because I thought that film sucked.  Anyway, sad.

 4)  Yeah, everyone sneaking across our southern border is just a decent, hardworking person looking for work.  NOT!  You want my vote, promise you will close the borders, dammit.

5)  Chuck Norris, a big Huckabee supporter, called John McCain too old to be President.  I like Chuck Norris, but he needs to shut the hell up.  John McCain is a fricken war hero. Norris, tough as he is – and he is very tough no doubt – is just a celebrity.   I am not a big McCain fan, but Norris was an idiot to say this. 

6)   I had some personal experience with the Stasi back in the late 1980s when I was stationed in then West Germany. Good times.


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