Hose These Guys Down

I watch Fox and Friends in the morning and while it’s still the best of all the morning shows, I’ve noticed for some time now how, well, how silly it can be.  Well, I’m not the only one.

We’ve been patient. We’ve learned to put up with Steve Doucy, the self-styled Oscar Wilde of Kansas (although we always thought that honor belonged to Oscar Wilde). We’ve tolerated Brian Kilmeade, who’s every bit as stupid, uneducated, and unlikable as he pretends to be. We’ve waited for Gretchen What’s-her-Name to provide solid evidence that she graduated from Stanford as her bio claims. We’ve been forgiving of Alyson Camerota’s penchant for rewriting teleprompter copy on the fly to be about her rather than the faceless millions. We’ve overlooked Greg Kelly’s serial-killer-type personality profile (obsessing about Star Wars action figures and transformers YES, talking to women without being dumb-clumsy insulting NO) , Dr. Manny’s unctuous infatuation with his own Reader’s Digest-quality health tips, Kelly Wright’s determined effort to live down to every stereotype about the saccharine dullness of born-again Oral Roberts graduates, and the ballooning midlife insanity of Wellesleyite Page Hopkins, who would like somebody to notice and perhaps have sex with her. After all, if Hillary can be President, Page can get laid. Right?

Hell, we’ve even learned to laugh at the constant misspellings in the ticker and the factual errors repeated segment after segment by the self-satisfied co-hosts. It’s all early morning stuff, right?

One thing he missed though is the amount of sexual innuendo that is passed around during every show.  With the exception of only the most serious of stories, nearly every spot is fodder for sexual comments and flirting on the part of all the cast. At first I found it refreshing and playful, but it’s getting worse and even with my junior-high attitude towards sex it seems more suited for an episode of Desperate Housewives than a major morning news show.

Come on people, most of us are still in our robes drinking coffee and suffering from morning breath.  We don’t need to think about two blondes and a brunette doing the naughty this early in the morning

Brian Kilmeade is the worst offender. I swear that guy needs to get laid before he takes too long a look in a locker room and someone pulls his underwear over his head. But all of them seem to be literally vibrating (pun intended) with more sexual tension than an 8th grade Homecoming dance.  So much so that one can’t help but imagine that after every show they retire behind the green door of the green room for the morning orgy.

Okay, maybe that’s just my imagination, but you get the point.

Of course, maybe they are just trying to disprove that old lie that conservatives don’t enjoy sex.  Well, consider it disproven because I can’t imagine anyone viewing this show for more than a few days would think conservatives are anything less than horny with a capital “H.”

Then again, maybe instapunk did pick-up on the sexual tension there – check out his version of their picture.

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