The Language of Love

Well, if not the language of “love,” certainly the language of “I’d hit that.”

Via Frogsmoke.

Those Crazy, Fun-loving Japanese

You can’t make this kind of “not safe for work” stuff up, folks. More not safe for work photos here

Oh yes, I know that is a big pink penis statue up above and I apologize if it offends you, but for the life of me I couldn’t think of another picture to use. Just pretend it is a big pink mushroom if it makes you feel better.

Hat-tip to Ace.

Juicy Links

1. Like I’ve said before, global warming is still very much in dispute.

2. This appears to be more about the so-called housing crisis than anything else. What is disturbing to me is that Americans think it is government’s fault that people were stupid enough to buy more house than they could afford and that it is government’s responsibility to bail them out of their stupidity. Nonsense. Plus, what does “going in the wrong direction” mean exactly? Well, it means different things to different people. Had I been polled and asked that question I would have said yes because I think that our open-borders policy is the wrong direction. I think retreating from Iraq is the wrong direction. I think electing a Democrat as president is the wrong direction. So when you think about it, the question is meaningless as are the poll results.

3. Obama’s support softens. I’m not surprised. When people get to really know him they don’t like what they see as much. He’s still the nominee though. Because of his glamour and not his substance, of course. Mark my words, if elected he will have a Jimmy Carter presidency.

4. British Muslims would have killed thousands in major terrorist attack if not caught. The threat is real, folks.

5. Male rock fans vote Republican? So Led Zeppelin influenced me in more ways than I thought.

6. Sounds like a nice place to me. I do love Asian . . . food.

7. Star Trek, 60s Rock, and psychedelic drugs. Via Southern Appeal.

8. The hazards of cocktails in space. None made with Absolut vodka, of course.

9. Obama’s, and the Democrat’s, patriotism problem.

10. Have you seen Hillary’s second “phone call at 3:00 am” political ad? Well, here’s the transcript of how McCain would react to such a call.

The phone rings, waking President McCain. Groggily, he answers it. “Hello?”“Mr. President. There is a foreclosure crisis. We need action now.”

McCain looks at the clock. It’s 3 A.M. “Are you psychotic?”

“This is very important.”

“Who is doing business at his hour?”

“We can’t wait for a decision on what to do.”

“It’s 3 A.M.! What the hell can we do right now?!”

“We need to make a plan.”

“Are honestly telling me you didn’t find out there was a problem with foreclosures until right now?”

“Well… I found out earlier today. I forgot to tell you until now.”

“I will strangle you!”

“That won’t help the foreclosure crisis.”

“Do you have a family? I will murder your family and make you watch!”

“That seems a bit extreme.”

“It’s 3 A.M.! You do not wake me with crap like this at this hour!”

JOHN MCCAIN: Ready to answer the call appropriately at 3 AM.

That, my friends, is a man ready to be President.

Sexual Realism

Ten Things

1. Welcome to the preview of a Democratic president and congress and say hello to higher taxes. But the money will be for the children, right?

2. Welcome to the world of the Pastor of Barack Hussein and Michelle Obama, a man who  is Obama’s acknowledged “spiritual mentor” for 20 years, married the couple, baptized their kids and who’s sermon titled “Audacity of Hope” was the inspiration for Obama’s book of the same name:

• “The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants us to sing ‘God Bless America.’ No, no, no, God damn America, that’s in the Bible for killing innocent people,” he said in a 2003 sermon. “God damn America for treating our citizens as less than human. God damn America for as long as she acts like she is God and she is supreme.”
• “We bombed Hiroshima, we bombed Nagasaki, and we nuked far more than the thousands in New York and the Pentagon, and we never batted an eye,” Rev. Wright said in a sermon on Sept. 16, 2001.
• “We have supported state terrorism against the Palestinians and black South Africans, and now we are indignant because the stuff we have done overseas is now brought right back to our own front yards. America’s chickens are coming home to roost,” he told his congregation.
• “We started the AIDS virus . . . We are only able to maintain our level of living by making sure that Third World people live in grinding poverty. . . .”

Nope, he’s not Obama, but you know darn well that people don’t belong to churches for decades unless they believe what the pastor and the rest of the congregation believes.  If they don’t, they leave for other churches. It’s science (not to get into a whole faith/science debate here).   And by the way.  He raised his kids in this church listening to this crap.  What kind of people do that?   How good is his raved-about judgement if he does that?  And to make things worse - he simply will not dump the guy.  He downplays it and says he doesn’t agree but then makes excuses for this racist while at the same time playing the race card on anyone who criticises him about anything.  This isn’t the way a man who is supposed to be a “race healer, not a race warrior” should act.

3. Speaking of science - sort of anyway - the founder of the Weather Channel is suing Al Gore for fraud over scam that is global warming.  Sweet.

4.  Anti-war reporting is helping Iraqi insurgents. Well, duhhh. This war has without a doubt been more difficult, costly, and lasted longer due to the main stream media’s concentration on bad news and anti-war rhetoric rather than good news (of which there has been plenty), pro-American stories, and tales of our many heroes over there. There are so many people here in America who should be ashamed for supporting out enemies this way.  Despite this bombardment of bad news, it appears that only 18 percent of Americans think we should withdraw immediately from Iraq. Wow. Americans really do prefer winning over losing.

5.  The Tennessee flying saucer house. I’ve seen it in person. It’s pretty cool.

6. Man celebrates his 100th birthday at Hooters. Viva Viagra!

7.  More Obama news. Seems he got $1,000,000 in earmarks for the Chicago hospital where his wife is Vice President of Community Affairs. At a sweet salary of $316,962 which is an increase from $121,910 just before her husband was elected to the Senate. Coincidence, I am sure.  I’m also sure they are she is worth every penny.

8.  And what about that Al Quaeda - Saddam connection?  You know the one that Democrats say never existed and Republicans say did, but have been hard-pressed to prove beyond a reasonable doubt?  Well, it looks like there was one after all.

Captured Iraqi documents have uncovered evidence that links the regime of Saddam Hussein to regional and global terrorism, including a variety of revolutionary, liberation, nationalist and Islamic terrorist organizations. While these documents do not reveal direct coordination and assistance between the Saddam regime and the al Qaeda network, they do indicate that Saddam was willing to use, albeit cautiously, operatives affiliated with al Qaeda as long as Saddam could have these terrorist-operatives monitored closely. Because Saddam’s security organizations and Osama bin Laden’s terrorist network operated with similar aims (at least in the short term), considerable overlap was inevitable when monitoring, contacting, financing, and training the same outside groups. This created both the appearance of and, in some way, a “de facto” link between the organizations. At times, these organizations would work together in pursuit of shared goals but still maintain their autonomy and independence because of innate caution and mutual distrust. Though the execution of Iraqi terror plots was not always successful, evidence shows that Saddam’s use of terrorist tactics and his support for terrorist groups remained strong up until the collapse of the regime.

There’s no “smoking gun” in this report, but as a criminal and counterintelligence investigator with 24 years experience I can tell you that most cases are made with circumstantial evidence not smoking guns. This is good stuff. There was a connection. Not that any Democrat is ever going to believe it, but there was a connection.

9. It keeps coming back to Obama. This time he voted against his own tax and spending bill. You know, the one he keeps campaigning on. Makes your head spin, I tell ya.

10.  I don’t care who she is, no way I would pay this unless I get to play with those hooters.  She would also have to promise not to talk all evening.

UPDATE:

To Number 2 above:  Obama has now called Wright’s statements “inflammatory and appalling” and adds:

“Let me say at the outset that I vehemently disagree and strongly condemn the statements that have been the subject of this controversy,” he said in the statement. “I categorically denounce any statement that disparages our great country or serves to divide us from our allies. I also believe that words that degrade individuals have no place in our public dialogue, whether it’s on the campaign stump or in the pulpit. In sum, I reject outright the statements by Rev. Wright that are at issue.”

Took him long enough. And I suppose I should take him at his word, but to be truthful I don’t believe him at all. He had to do this after all the race-cards he had been throwing at Hillary or he wouldn’t be able to throw anymore. Still, politically it lets the MSM off the hook as they can now call the incident over and move on to other things. They hated covering it, the little they did, and this means they concentrate on Hillary and McCain again.

Plus, his statement isn’t all it seems to be. Okay, maybe they are over-analyzing it, but hey, it’s not like he’s the only candidate that has been subject to analyzing.  Then again, his distancing himself from Wright was predicted by the parties involved.

Stuff I Found On The Fox News Web Site

1.   Of all the sins I thought I might go to hell for, driving my SUV wasn’t one of them. As if I didn’t have to apologize enough for the Church already.  Then again, the Southern Baptists are also buying into the global warming nonsense, so maybe lunacy is interdenominational.

2.  If I was dork riding a bike in too-short black pants, black tie, short-sleeved white shirt, white socks and goober black shoes, I don’t think I would have the nerve to mock any other religion.  Except maybe Scientology, which literally begs to be mocked.

3.  Man, this poor guy just can’t catch a break.  They need to bring the party to him.

4.  Yes, it exists. Being a gentleman that’s all I am going to say on that.

5.  Obligatory comments on Democratic Governor Spitzer’s fall from grace: a) He is a moron, b) His wife is a babe - I’d hit that, c) Fifty-five hundred dollars for an hour? Who the hell pays that much for sex? I mean, I love sex, but damn, $5,500? Is that prorated? It comes down to about $92 a minute so can I buy $276 worth?

6.  If you a conservative in Mississippi go vote for Hillary in today’s Democratic primary. It’s fun and not a mortal sin. Venial maybe, but not mortal.

7.  I never thought what Madonna did was rock, but what do I know? And doesn’t she look like an old guy now?  Her arms look very familiar.

Madonna’s in the middle by the way.  That’s Iggy Pop on the left and Effeminate Pop on the right.

Seven To Thirteen

So I guess my thrice-weekly two hour love-making sessions with loving wife are overkill? Does the seven to 13 minutes include foreplay and cuddling afterward?  Because I have never included that in my time and I hate to think I have been shortchanging myself.

At least now I know why she keeps saying, “Aren’t you finished yet? It’s almost time for Desperate Housewives.”

Star Sex

And in case you are looking for even more Star Sex, check out Captain Kirk’s Guide To Women.

Grooming For Love In All The Wrong Places

It’s science. 

Michael Gumert of Nanyang Technological University in Singapore made the discovery in a 20-month investigation into 50 long-tailed macaques in Kalimantan Tengah, Indonesia, New Scientist reports on Saturday.

On average, females had sex 1.5 times per hour.

But this rate jumped to 3.5 times per hour immediately after the female had been groomed by a male — and her partner of choice was likely to be the hunky monkey that did the grooming.

Market forces also acted on the value of the transaction.

If there were several females in the area, the cost of buying sex would drop dramatically — a male could “buy” a female for just eight minutes of nit-picking.

But if there were no females around, he would have to groom for up to 16 minutes before sex was offered.

The work supports the theory that biological market forces can explain social behaviour, the British weekly says.

“There is a very well-known mix of economic and mating markets in the human species itself,” said Ronald Noe of France’s University of Strasbourg.

“There are many examples of rich old men getting young attractive ladies.”

Damn, monkey dudes got it made. Us human males have to buy jewelry to get you gals going. Of course, I don’t mind grooming my woman.  You know, washing the hair, painting the toenails, etc.

It’s all fun too, until I break out the Burma Shave and slap some Aqua Velva on, well, you know, wink, wink, that special place.  Then for some reason her eyes get wide like that kid in Home Alone and she runs out the bathroom door screaming. A mood-killer if ever there was one.

Women, you just can’t please them.

Unless you are a monkey, evidently. 

The First Time I Had Sex I Was Afraid. But Then Again It Was Dark And I was All By Myself

TMI? Eh, it’s just an old joke, but a goodie. But speaking of sex, check this out.

Sex – it does the body good.

— Pain management. Forgo popping a pain killer and opt for something a bit more “au naturel.” Sex has been shown to offer migraine and menstrual cramp relief, as well as alleviate chronic back pain thanks to the endorphins and corticosteroids released during sexual arousal and orgasm.

— Stress relief. Sex, even if only with ourselves, impacts the way we respond to stress, increasing levels of oxytocin and stimulating feelings of warmth and relaxation. What better way to unwind from a tough day than sharing its most climactic moment with your special someone?

— Immune booster. Stop spending late nights at the office. Sex wards off colds and the flu. And sexually active people take fewer sick days, giving the phrase “working late” an entirely new meaning. Bosses, take note.

— Better heart health. A little bit of heart and soul in the sack should be part of every doctor’s orders when it comes to cardiovascular care. Sex may help lower cholesterol and the risk of heart attack.

— Increased self-esteem and intimacy. When sex is consistent and involves mutual pleasure, it can increase bonding since the surge in oxytocin at orgasm stimulates feelings of affection, intimacy, and closeness. When spiritual in nature, sex can lead to an even better quality of life and stronger relationship. Is it any wonder that good sexual energy in a positive relationship can make you feel better about yourself, your partner, and life in general?

— Sleep enhancement. There’s no need to count sheep when sex, including masturbation, helps insomnia. Plus, making love sure beats tossing and turning your way to zzzz’s.

— A better, younger looking you. Sex keeps you looking and feeling younger and, according to some research, may lead to shiny hair, a glowing complexion and bright eyes. This is because it increases the youth-promoting hormone DHEA (dehydroepiandrostone). And feeling more attractive charges your sex life even more.

— Mood lifter. Sex releases pleasure-inducing endorphins during arousal and climax that can relieve depression and anxiety, and increase vibrancy.

— Longevity. There is a significant relationship between frequency of orgasm and risk of death, especially with men. Men who orgasm two times a week have a 50 percent lower chance of mortality than those who climax one time per month. The bonus: Living longer also gives you and your honey the opportunity for even more lovin’!

— Decreased risk of breast cancer. One study of women who had never given birth found that an increased frequency of sexual intercourse was correlated with a decrease in the incidence of breast cancer.

— Reproductive health benefits. According to at least one study, sex appears to decrease a man’s risk of prostate cancer, and the prevention of endometriosis in women. It also promotes fertility in women by regulating menstrual patterns.

In a nutshell, the health benefits of sex in a good, solid relationship are practically endless. Yet, in planning our New Year’s resolutions, how many of us are declaring, “I think I’ll have more sex with my lover” in fulfilling any 2008 health and self-improvement goals?

While exercise on a regular basis is important to your health, sex can do so much more for you and your relationship. So before signing any dotted line for a new gym membership, consider how time allotted to an athletic club could be far more effective in your boudoir.

You can get a lot more bang for your buck in the bedroom, double your “membership” benefits, and, with sex breeding the desire for more sex, thanks to a boost in testosterone, it’s a workout plan you’re likelier to stick to.

Soooo, ladies, no more excuses. It’s good for you. It’s good for me. Okay, it’s probably better for me than you, but, hey, as long as one of us has fun that’s all that matters, right?

As Nike says, Just Do It.