Happy Valentine’s Day

To all the girls I’ve blogged before
Who surfed in and out my door
I’m glad they came along
I dedicate this song

To all the girls I’ve blogged before
To all the girls I virtually caressed
And may I say I’ve blogged the best

So Happy Valentine’s day to all six or seven of you.

Oh, and to loving wife, too, who I don’t deserve and who has been the center of my life for going on 26 years. 
 

Forget About Swooning, Play That Clip of Phoebe Again

The cute blonde over at That’s What She Blogged is gushing about a dozen movies that make her swoon for Valentine’s Day, so I thought I would respond with some movies that would make me, well, not swoon, but certainly put me in a good mood.

1) Full Body Massage. The nude voluptuous body of brunette Mimi Rogers being massaged with oil for the better part of 93 minutes.  Is there any better cinema in the world?  Tom Cruise’s first sign of insanity was breaking up with her.

2) The Incredibles. Holly Hunter as Elastigirl. Imagine the possiblities.

3) Almost any porn movie.  No plot. Bad acting.  Just lots of naked women.

4) Secretary.  A weird movie, but incredibly erotic performances from Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader. Who woulda thought?

5) Fast Times At Ridgemont High. Phoebe Cates walking out of that pool and taking off her bikini top is a vision burned in my mind forever. Even after 26 years it still gives hope to adolescent boys (and their dads) everywhere.

6)  Any of the guy movies listed here. Granted most of them have no love story at all, and little sex, but if you want to win a guy’s heart pop one of these in the DVD player, sit next to him in some Victoria’s Secret, and hand him a beer. He’ll be yours in anywhere from 90 minutes to 2 hours. Unless it’s The Godfather trilogy.  Then it might be quite a while before he “goes to the mattresses.”  In which case you should probably do a crossword or something to keep you busy between beer and chip runs.

Ideal Christmas Reading . . . If Your Ideal Christmas Involves A Global War Against Zombies . . . But Doesn’t Everyone’s?

I’m reading World War Z which is very scary. But not in the stereotypical “zombies are gonna get me” way. It’s more in the “world is falling apart around you and your normal everyday life is ending and you know you can’t protect your wife and kids and your government can’t help you and you may get left behind as a big-ass meteor is heading towards Earth and you can’t do a fricken thing about it hopeless kind of way.”

That kind of scary. But it’s good.

Misc Chatter

1.  It’s true, the world does look better off than it did a year ago - “safer, friendlier, more hopeful” - but that doesn’t mean a thing if we forget what it took to get here and elect some wishy-washy Democrat who will undo all the progress we have made. Remember that come election day.

2.  An armed security guard shot and killed the shooter at this Colorado church. If only security and, better yet, shoppers had been armed at that Omaha mall or Virgina Tech. I know I am carrying my weapon more often while off-duty these days.  And in case you are wondering, Disney was probably less safe after this.

3.  The Golden Compass isn’t doing well at the box office. Not surprising and, as a Catholic, very satisfying. And we didn’t have to cut off any heads to make em suffer.

4.  Dammit, there goes my next vacation destination.  And I had so looked forward to a rousing game of “Naked Twister.”

5.  Don’t you hate it when Republicans Democrats mix politics and religion?

6.  No link yet, but I just heard Al Gore, in his Nobel Prize acceptance speech, compare the “threat” of global warming to Hitler.  I hadn’t realized my driving an SUV was the equivalent of running death camps. Talk about jumping the fricken shark.

7.  I’ve started playing World of Warcraft again. Just a month’s subscription. Like sticking a toe into a lake to see how cold it is. I’m not going to take a plunge just yet, but it’s winter and with these cold short days I have less to do outside.

8. Neil is having The 2007 Blogger Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert. If I had any talent other than being crotchety and, of course, incredibly good in bed, I would participate. Check it out.

9.  We’re slowly getting over the great puppy rip-off, and we are still looking for a Beagle. Unfortunately there aren’t many breeders near here - none really - so we will have to travel an hour or two to see some pups and, more importantly, their parents and the conditions they are bred and raised in. But it’s going to happen soon and we are all very excited.

Happy Chanukah or Hanukkah

Being one of those gentiles who have to “squirm every time they try to pronounce the “ch” sound correctly” I decided to go with both versions.

But however you spell it, have a happy one.

Happy Thanksgiving

I had my annual agency physical today.  Everything was fine - blood pressure, pulse, lung function, hearing, vision, EKG, and general physical exam were great. In fact, the doctor was so obviously impressed with my health it made me wonder what kind of decrepit people she usually sees.  Yeah, I need to lose about 10 20 30 pounds, but hey when I can be this healthy and eat what I want at my age why obsess over losing it?  

Anyway, unless there is something going on I don’t know about, my blood-work and chest x-ray should come back good, including my cholesterol which is usually between 195 and 205. 

Not bad for a old fat man.

We’re off tomorrow very early to visit my family for Thanksgiving.  If I have a moment and my mom’s computer is working I will try to post.  Otherwise see you guys on Friday evening.    And Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanks From A Veteran

Because of my weekend trip, I completely forgot to post on Veterans Day, so here’s a late one.  Like the Major says, thanks for saying thanks.

BAGHDAD — As the veterans of World War II pass too quickly into history, their ranks are being replaced by a new “greatest generation.” The war on terrorism is creating veterans at a rate not seen in decades. Yet the military is much smaller now than during World War II, leading some analysts to posit that a rift exists between soldiers and citizens and that those making sacrifices on the battle front are disconnected from the society whose freedoms they defend. The American people are oblivious to the war, they claim, as well as to the men and women who are fighting it. Some have even suggested that the only way to close the gap is to return to conscription.But these observers of the social scene have never served in Iraq.Those of us overseas know that “support the troops” is more than a slogan. Here we are besieged by what my master sergeant calls “paper love,” the cards, letters, posters and other gestures of support sent by people across America. The paper love is often accompanied by packages of snacks and comfort items. Some mail comes from family members, but even more is sent by private citizens and troop support organizations. The war has inspired a remarkable level of civic involvement that goes largely unnoticed — except by those of us in the field or recovering stateside.

All of us are volunteers. We’re in Iraq because we want to serve. We are well educated and physically fit and could have pursued a variety of other life options. But, to paraphrase Defense Secretary Robert Gates, we are driven by the romantic and optimistic ideal that we can improve the world. We are seeing real progress on the ground, and we are helping Iraq to change.

Idealism, however, does not diminish our longing for home or the pain of missing family. It does not dispel all fear and doubt, and it does not heal our wounded or fallen friends. So when we are feeling disheartened, we open the care packages and read the letters.

“Thank you for helping to protect our country . . . we admire your courage!” writes a child from Congregation Beth Am in Buffalo Grove, Ill.

“Thank you! Enjoy the coffee!” writes Starbucks of Gig Harbor, Wash.

“May the Lord give you safety and watch over you,” writes Millie from the Yellow Ribbon Support Center of Cincinnati.

“Happy Thanksgiving!” writes Brownie Troop 250 from Christ Lutheran Church of Valencia, Calif.

Cynics might think these expressions of goodwill from strangers are hokey, but they are tacked on the walls of nearly every workspace, living area and hospital ward in Iraq.

This past May, a young soldier received several hundred tributes drawn by children at McNair Elementary School in Herndon, Va., where his mother does volunteer work. He taped them up along a hallway at Multi-National Force-Iraq headquarters, forming the letters T-H-A-N-K Y-O-U.

Members of our coalition partners’ armed forces congregated in the hallway looking at the posters with wonder. They asked passersby, “American children send these to you? They are so beautiful!” Some shook their heads and confessed that they were stunned at the support we enjoy from our people back home.

Contrast this with a September statement by Gen. Sir Richard Dannatt, chief of the general staff of the British army: “In America, the appreciation for the armed forces is outstanding, and, frankly, I would like to be able to mirror some of that here. In the States, many companies offer military discounts for serving soldiers, sports teams give out free tickets, people in the street shake the hand of men in uniform.”

We have come a long way from the dark days during Vietnam, when people would spit on our men and women in uniform. Those of us serving today have great faith in the American people, and apparently the feeling is mutual. It is comforting that today’s veterans will return to civilian life remembering the warmth and support of Americans living comfortably back home while they served in difficult circumstances overseas.

So thank you from us future veterans. Thanks for saying thanks.

Elizabeth L. Robbins, an Army Major, deployed in May in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. The views expressed here are her own.

And those of millions of veterans everywhere.

Blogging From Howard Johnson

In downtown Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Which in my opinion as a customer is the absolute worst hotel I have experienced in a very long time. It is old, in poor repair, not very clean, and noisy with loud neighbors and evidently a hospital or firehouse just down the street because we have experienced loud sirens on both nights. I knew it wasn’t going to be a good choice the minute we drove up to it , but since we arrived late and I knew they had at least one night’s money we checked-in hoping for the best.

The best never came, but I will talk about that later.

The drive to Gatlinburg wasn’t a bad one. Sure the interstate was crowded with obnoxiously orange University of Tennessee fans and truckers, and yes, I spent the whole trip calling everyone in the left lane idiots, but that is a normal trip for me and not at all indicative of a bad time. We picked my middle son up at school at about the halfway point and continued on arriving at the exit for Sevierville/Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg a little later than I wanted but still early enough to see some of the sights and get a nice meal. Unfortunately, I forgot that the last 30 or so miles through those first two resort towns and on to the Gatlinburg is a very slow, bumper-to-bumper nightmare which took much longer than I thought.

If you’ve never been there, I should tell you that these three towns, which used to be separate, are now just one big strip lined by hotels, restaurants, go-cart tracks, arcades, laser-tag ranges, bungee-jumping towers, more hotels, more restaurants, the amusement park Dollywood, cheap souvenir shops, Welcome Centers (there are several of them - evidently you cannot over-welcome someone to this place), and new trendier shops for over-priced clothes and souvenirs.

So the drive through that area took us well-over an hour with a brief respite through the rolling hills of the a national park that separates Pigeon Forge from Gatlinburg. But just when you think you’re past the traffic you hit the city limit of Gatlinburg and come to a dead stop. Or at least so close to a dead stop that it takes about another 30 minutes or so to go four miles and arrive at our hotel.

Actually it took a little longer than that, but that was the fault of my Garmin GPS which for some reason seemed to tell us to do the exact opposite of what we needed to do to find the hotel once in Gatlinburg.  It would say “turn right” when we should have gone left and as a result we ended up doing a loop through the city at the absolute worst time of day. (It did the same thing Saturday morning when we tried to find a particular restaurant for breakfast. I am going to have to see what is wrong with the thing.)

Anyway, we found the hotel, checked-in, and left for dinner as fast as we could because, like I said, it is a hotel that is not worth hanging around in any longer than you need too. We ate a cheap meal at Pizza Hut and then walked up and down the main drag in Gatlinburg, which is also lined with cheap souvenir shops, hotels, restaurants, and arcades, but also has candy shops where fudge and taffy is made in front of you and high-priced attractions like Ripley’s Believe It or Not museums, haunted houses, and a really nice aquarium, which is also pricey, but worth it.

After a couple of hours we went back to the hotel for what we hoped would be a good night’s sleep but which turned out to be the night from hell. Or if not hell, the next level up. First, the street noise was loud in general which wasn’t helped by the thin walls and ill-fitting door to the room which literally invited every engine right into the room (the door is on the outside). Then we had the guy from Room 103 who stood outside of our room yelling into his cell phone about how “him and Judy” got here yesterday and how they dropped $75 at the Hard Rock Cafe but that was okay because they gave them some free tickets to some show. And then after he ran out of steam, we noticed a mysterious squeaking noise, much like the beep fire alarm low battery warning from the outside the room. My middle-son tried to find the source and he thinks it was coming from a large air conditioner unit (pictured above) on a level below us, but wherever it was coming from, it would squeak about every minute or so, just about the time you were dozing off and waking us up in the process. And finally, there were the sirens. Several over the course of the night, and much more frequent than one would expect from a small resort town.

So with all that I would say we all got about four hours sleep the first night.

Saturday was fun though. Expensive, but fun. There are dozens of choices for things to do along this long tri-city amusement strip, but we just went to a placed called Nascar Speedpark that had all sorts of go-cart racing tracks, a large arcade, a small restaurant, a putt-putt , and some small carnival rides. We dropped $120 plus tax for four all-day access passes, but they were worth it because we did indeed spend all day there racing the various go-cart tracks (some easy and some harder with more complex tracks and larger carts), playing a good game of putt-putt, and doing all the other stuff a few times over.

Oh yes, before that we had a great breakfast at the Applewood Farms Restaurant in Sevierville. It was a little pricey, but excellent Southern food consisting of bacon, ham, fried chicken, pancakes, grits, eggs, home-fries, gravy, biscuits, apple muffins, apple fritters, apple butter, and an apple julep.

It was delicious and filling. So much so that we all skipped lunch.

Anyway, after the breakfast and before the racing we went through the Apple Barn which has all sorts of apple-related craft type stuff and where we managed only to drop a few bucks on some apple butter and some fudge.

Then we went racing.

Are you keeping up.

So anyway, after the racing we came back to Gatlinburg, but that trip took a bit because we got caught up in the same kind of traffic we had on Friday evening. We expected it though so it didn’t bother us much as we just rolled-down the windows and enjoyed the mountain air.

Once back in Gatlinburg we freshened up a bit at the hotel and left to go find a place for dinner. That was a challenge actually, because the town was packed with people and all the restaurants were full with long lines outside. We tried several, putting our names on the list for a few, and ultimately settled on Calhoun’s which is a great steak and rib place.

The wait? About an hour and a half, but with little choice we waited in the cold air of the night. And cold it was - in the 20s - but invigorating, too, and kind of exciting with all the people walking around talking and shopping and just enjoying the evening. Old people with grand-kids, young couples pushing strollers, well-behaved teens flirting, and families laughing.

It was a great time.

And once inside we had some good food - BBQ ribs, pork sandwiches, hot wings, and all the fixens (cole slaw, corn, fries, biscuits, etc.) along with a dessert of some of the best banana pudding I have ever had in my life.

And then we walked the strip, watching the people, browsing shops, and enjoying the many Christmas lights that light up the area at this time of year. (They call the winter lights actually. Not because they don’t love Christmas here, but because calling them winter allows them to keep them up from early November to late January.)

We bought some more fudge and candy as gifts for our neighbors and my son tried some hot sauce at a shop which resulted in intense pain and surprise on his part. He loves hot sauce and considers himself somewhat of an aficionado, but he wasn’t ready for this stuff and when he tasted just a small bit on a pretzel I could see the pain and shock in his face. We are talking eye-watering, red faced-flushed pain, folks, which resulted in his having to run down the street to buy some milk.

It was hilarious.

He is still hurting this morning.

So after an hour or so of walking we headed back to the hotel and settled in for what I hoped would be a better night’s sleep. And to be honest it was a little better. Only one siren and the guy in Room 103 evidently had checked-out, taking Judy with him I assume. Plus, we were quite exhausted and we fell asleep pretty quickly so even that squeak didn’t bother us.

And that brings us up to the moment. Loving wife is dressed and the kids are working on it and as soon as I finish this I am going to do the same and start packing up.

And then we drive home. Slowly with a couple of stops along the way, but home by this evening for sure.

NOTE:  I am going to brush up this post and add a photo when I get home this evening.  I may even spell check it.  Now I gotta take a shower. Okay, here’s the rest of the story.

We packed the car and started home stopping at a Laser Tag place for the boys and then lunch at Burger King.  Then we started home. The drive from Gatlinburg to the interstate was about an hour since the traffic leaving the stip was as bad on Sunday morning as it had been on Friday night. But we didn’t care much as it was a lovely, sunny day and we were in a good mood from a good weekend.

And now I am home and can’t wait to sleep in our own king-sized bed tonight.

Candy Psychology

What does your Halloween candy of choice you?  My favs are listed below.

Almond Joy: These folks are happy-go-lucky.
Introduced in 1946 by the Peter Paul Candy Manufacturing Co. in New Haven, Conn. It’s a companion to the Mounds bar, which arrived in 1920. *The snack size (17 grams) has 80 calories.

Butterfinger: Evasive, slippery, not necessarily to be trusted. Invented in 1923 by the Curtiss Candy Co. of Chicago. The crunchy bar wrapped in chocolate is now made by Nestle.
*The Fun Size (18.5 grams) has 85 calories.

Snickers:Just going with the crowd, the safe candy choice, guaranteed to please the masses. Not ambitious, but dependable. Created in 1930 by Mars, Snickers bars sold for a nickel. The Fun Size was introduced in 1968. *The Fun Size (17 grams) has 80 calories.

Twizzlers: Sickos. Truly demented. Plastic people living plastic lives. The Twizzlers brand was introduced in 1929. The red licorice strips are manufactured by Y&S Candies, a company established in 1845 that is now a Hershey subsidiary. *The snack size (14 grams) has 37 calories.

So I am the happy-go-lucky, dependable, yet evasive and slippery, twisted, demented type.

Can’t say I would argue with that.

Hat-tip to Stop and Wander.

Great Pumpkin Time

Halloween is simply my favorite holiday of all time.  Even Christmas, with birth of our Savior and the Ho Ho Ho of Santa, comes in a distant second. 

I think it’s because of the weather mostly.  I love fall.  Some people think it’s the season of death.  They see the brown leaves falling and days shortening and it reminds them of life ending. 

Not me.  To me, fall is a cool season of renewal where cold rains and sharp winds wash and blow away the heat and dust and grime of summer.

Refreshing.

Fall is football games and hot Dr Pepper with lemon (trust me, it’s good), chilly nights wrapped in warm sweatpants, flannel shirts and homemade comforters, and the smell of chili cooking in a big crockpot and jalapeno cornbread in the oven.

It’s early mornings getting the kids off to school while it’s still dark and driving home from work with the headlights on at 6 pm.

It’s putting-out Halloween decorations that mix and match with Thanksgiving decorations so that you only have to take in a few things instead of having to put out a whole new set.

It’s having the pool closed and starting my annual battle with the leaves armed only with my leaf blower and a beer.

It’s not having to mow with my lousy John Deere mower or whack weeds with my old and ornery Weed Eater.

It’s sitting in my office with wearing my jacket because they only turn the heat on one half of the day on my side of the building.

It’s our neighbor’s annual Halloween party, which at times has been quite raucous, but this year was more subdued (maybe we are all just showing our age).

It’s knowing that soon Thanksgiving will be here with all the great food and loving family and long naps.

It’s knowing that the holiday movie season is going to start with lots of comedies and family movies.

It’s the season of my youngest son’s birthday.

It’s the anticipation of blogging about how the anti-Christian left is going to slam Christmas. (I do so love blasting them over that.)

And this year it’s the release of not one, but two new computer games that I simply cannot wait to play. One comes out today as a matter of fact and I will probably be playing it late into the night.

After trick-or-treating, of course.

So today is filled with anticipation. Kids dressing in costumes walking around the neighborhood grabbing handfuls of candy from bowls offered by good neighbors.

I did that every year when I was a kid and about the only difference I see now is that more parents go with the kids now.  In my day, parents stayed at home while we roamed wildly playing the parts of our costumes - cowboys, devils, princesses, ghosts - not worrying about how we acted or who saw us.  Not that we did anything wrong really.  What’s an egg or two on a window or some bottle-rockets fired at Old Man Moses’ house (his real name, by the way, God bless him)?

Come on, we were kids.  It was the 1960s.  It was, looking back on it, so innocent and hopeful, even with the sound of Walter Cronkite and the Vietnam war in the background every evening during dinner.

Kids that age, the age of trick-or-treating, don’t care about that stuff.  They only want that magical feeling of make-believe and mystery and the permission to revel in it for that one special night.  It’s that way now and it was that way back then.

We’ve tried to give that to our kids.  And I think they have tasted a bit of it, but not the whole thing.  A couple of hours farming candy with your parents just isn’t the same thing as camping-out in a small country cemetery hoping you can catch a glimpse of a real ghost while at the same time scared to death one might actually appear.  (That is so fun, you just have to try it once.)

Yes, we’ve tried to give that to them.  As have some of our neighbors.  Because they need that in their lives.  The make-believe.  Those Great Pumpkin moments (which we still watch). The freedom to explore and grow and renew themselves.

Just like fall renews the world.

Happy Halloween!!