News Alert: People Don’t Enjoy Flying

While I’ve never left any unpleasant surprises on an airplane, I must admit I don’t feel very sorry for them. Air travel is horrible and the airlines certainly don’t appear to worry too much about making it better. Surely some airlines are better than others - Southwest has always been good to me, and my last four times on Northwest weren’t half-bad either - but overall, flying is much like visiting the dentist - you want it over with as quickly as possible and plenty of Novocaine to deaden the pain.

Now that being said, I hate people who dress like they just got out of bed while flying. Too-short shorts (and on hairy men - gag). Flip-flops. Crocks (again on men - gag). Sweat pants and t-shirts that have one too many stains on them. Sheesh people, have some dignity and class. Wear a nice pair of jeans at least. And a decent shirt that isn’t torn and greasy. And some real shoes.

You look like the “before” pictures on What Not To Wear for heaven’s sake.

And, oh yeah, while I am bitching about things. All you morons with those Bluetooth headphones/microphones shoved into your ear shouting to your boss or mother or wife about all the inanities of your life and forcing the rest of us to first look at you because we think you are talking to us and then, once we realize you are a fricken egotistical, inconsiderate showoff with a glowing silver rod sticking out the side of your head, forcing us to listen to your boring conversation need to TAKE THAT DAMN THING OUT OF YOUR EAR, FIND A NICE QUITE CORNER AND SPEAK IN A NORMAL TONE OF VOICE ON YOUR CELL PHONE!

Making Air Travel Pleasurable

That’s what the gals of Ryan Air are trying to do for you. And here’s how.

Visiting the cockpit is not just for kids anymore. But where does she pin her wings?

Ladies and gentlemen, please pay attention to these important safety instructions.

And how’s this for an after-flight wash-up?

Bless their entrepreneur hearts.