7 Things I Plan To Do Before I Die
1. Take a trip to Ireland/Scotland/Wales
2. Spend Halloween in Salem, Massachusetts
3. Spoil my grandchildren and in doing so annoy my children
4. Retire so I can do absolutely nothing – or as close to it as is possible without being called a bum
5. Put a few more bad guys in jail
6. Lose all the weight I gained since leaving the military
7 Things I Can Do
1. Tell when people are telling the truth . . . or not
2. Take a computer apart and put it back together – mostly
3. Public speaking
4. Follow somone without them knowing it (It comes in handy in my profession)
5. Get people to trust me (In interviews – again that profession thing)
6. Tell when breasts are real and people are gay – both from a distance
7. Twist a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue
7 Things I Cannot Do
1. Anything remotely artistic
2. Use a tool (hammer, wrench, screwdriver, saw, etc.) without cutting myself in some way
3. Climb on top of my two-story house (Yet, I bungee-jumped once – go figure)
4. Drink any kind of whiskey after that unfortunate Early Times episode of my youth
5. Forgive and forget (I try but it’s hard)
6. Hit a woman (Spank, on the other hand)
7. Stay mad at loving wife when she cries (Which she knows and unfairly uses to her advantage)
7 Things I Say Most Often*
1. Lots of really bad curse words strung together with other words that make no sense, but are great fun
2. “You’re killin’ me, Smalls.”
3. “Am I speaking Chinese?”
4. “Look at the knockers on that gal.”
5. “Did you see the knockers on that gal?”
6. “Damn, that gal has some nice knockers.”
7. “Smalls, did you see the “f*@#ing supercalafragelisticexpialadosious” knockers on that Chinese gal?”
7 Celebrity Crushes
1. Mimi Rogers
2. Jennifer Love Hewitt
3. Mimi Rogers
4. Jennifer Love Hewitt
5. Mimi Rogers
6. Jennifer Love Hewitt
7. Mimi Rogers and Jennifer Love Hewitt together
*Actually at home I probably say, “I love you,” “Dallas Alice,” and “What are we having for dinner?” more than anything else, but they aren’t funny so . . .
Stolen from Fink.
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Seven Women from Hell…hAAAaaA
I must say, even with all your bad-boy girly pictures — you are my favorite nutjob.
[...] reading this blog (I know, he’s sexist and very political) I thought I’d try the 7 things thing. So here [...]
That thing about spoiling your grandkids? It really does piss off the parents. Trust me.
But I’m stealing this.
Sexist? Moi? I am wounded. Seriously, I’m bleeding here. This is gonna need stitches. Maybe even some antibiotic.
You did a Meme?? I’m scared.
Be afraid, be very afraid.