With, as the author notes, apologies to Jeff Foxworthy.
1. If you think Obama’s the most liberal member of the senate you…may be a racist.
2. If you object to Obama raising your payroll, capital gains and estate taxes you…may be a racist.
3. If you’d prefer a president have at least some foreign policy experience you…may be a racist.
4. If you’re in favor of drilling for oil and building nuclear power plants you…may be a racist.
5. If you think “Vero Possemus” is Latin for “Massive Ego” you… may be a racist.
6. If you wonder why Obama was hanging around William Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn you…may be a racist.
7. If your pastor is nothing like Rev. Wright or Father Pfleger you… may be a racist.
8. If you don’t want the majority of justices on the Supreme Court to be like Stephen Breyer you…may be a racist.
9. If you’re not impressed with Obama’s 100% NARAL rating you…may be a racist.
10. If you’re not sure whether Obama opposed or supported FISA reauthorization you…may be a racist.
11. If you don’t think America is a “downright mean” country you…may be a racist.
12. If you think Obama should’ve visited wounded troops at Ramstein and Landstuhl you…may be a racist.
13. If you think the surge is working and that’s a good thing you…may be a racist.
14. If you oppose racial preferences in employment, school admissions and contracting you…may be a racist.
15. If you think “we are the change we’ve been waiting for” is a line from a Monty Python skit you…may be a racist.
16. If you prefer that a president have a smidgen of executive experience you…may be a racist.
17. If you’re appalled that Obama voted against treating infants born after an abortion attempt the same medically as other infants born alive you…may be a racist.
18. If you were proud of your country even before Obama’s candidacy you…may be a racist.
20. If you don’t think American troops are just “air raiding villages” you…may be a racist.
21. If your grandmother isn’t a “typical white person” you…may be a racist.
22. If you don’t think rural, working class people are bitter and “cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them” you…may be a racist.
23. If you’re not sure invading Pakistan is a particularly good idea—what with their nuclear weapons and all— you…may be a racist.
24. If you don’t want the president to meet without precondition with the leaders of state sponsors of terror you…may be a racist.
25. If you don’t care how Hollywood or the European elite think you should vote you…may be a racist.
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Gosh! I didn’t think I was, but…maybe, y’know? I guess, in the long run, it just helps to know what I am. And I really thought I did, but it seems I was wrong.