Men And Women

Please note… these are all numbered “1″ ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

1. If you won’t dress like Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the “other one. “

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine . . . really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Neil’s Next Vacation Spot?

It’s not often I get the opportunity to scoop Neil, but I do believe I got him good with this little story.

FANS of Swedish group ABBA can dance down memory lane when their museum opens in Stockholm, featuring costumes, instruments and rare memorabilia.

“We’re going to open the ABBA museum from June 3 to 7 (2009). It will be an inaugural week,” said Ulf Westman, who masterminded the world’s first ABBA museum along with his wife, Ewa Wigenheim-Westman.“It will be an international museum with a lot of technological and multimedia aspects,” he said, adding visitors will be invited to take part in various activities related to the group’s heyday in the 1970s.

ABBA stars Bjoern Ulvaeus, Benny Andersson, Agnetha Faeltskog and Anni-Frid Lyngstad became international sensations with hits such as Money, Money, Money, Waterloo, Fernando and Dancing Queen.

All four members have given their backing to the project and will provide clothes, instruments and music, though they are not formally involved in the creation of the museum.

Visitors will be able to take the microphone and record their own version of Take A Chance on Me or Voulez Vous in a model of the Polar Studio in Stockholm where the quartet recorded their hits.

They will also be able to show off their moves in a disco room, while in the giant wardrobe room the bodyhugging pantsuits, sequined bellbottoms and platform boots that defined ABBA’s image will be displayed in all their glory.

The years 1976 to 1978 will “naturally be given a large space since it’s during this period they took the world by storm,” Wigenheim-Westman said.

I, along with thousands of other young guys, secretly enjoyed ABBA during their heyday, mostly because two of the four members were babes, but also because they had a good sound. Anyway, I wasn’t the fan Neil has admitted to being on his blog, but I did like them.

I wonder how long before he and Sophia fly to Stockholm?